- Don't pick up aggro on mobs. Let them beat on the healer, instead! Even better when it's a large, angry melee mob. Ignore any screams for help. It may teach them a lesson about aggro management, and they'll learn to watch threat meters better.
- Pull while your healer is out of mana (OoM). After all, managing mana is an important part of being a good healer; the rest of the group has plenty of health to keep going, so the healer should have the mana to continue, as well.
- Blame your healer for every death. If only they would heal better, the group could survive ANYTHING. Even void zones and frogger.
- Belittle, bash, or otherwise make snide remarks about anything the healer says or does. Do the same to every other player present. It will show them how much better you are than the rest of the party, and why they should prioritize healing you over anyone else.
- Stand in fire, cleaves, and poison. Busy healers are happy healers.
- Comment on how low their damage is. Make sure they understand that you're being quite serious. It will help them strive to become better players.
- Call out immediately and dramatically for healing, resses, and cleanses on yourself, especially if you aren't the raid leader. This will help guide the blind healers towards you, or the ones that don't have any kind of health bars on their screens.
- If you ever make a mistake, never admit to it or apologize for it. To show weakness would frighten your healers, lowering their spirit, which might hurt their mana regeneration and healing power.
- When any wipe occurs (make sure you blame the healer for it, of course), do not release to the graveyard. It is the healer's sworn duty to run back, drink, and then resurrect you. It is repentance for their failure at keeping the group alive, while you go afk for a refreshing coke.
- Always remember that any female gamer is only good in that role: healing. They are happy in that role, and none of them have any interest whatsoever in trying to dps or tank. If any of them try to break the mold, argue fervently with them and make comments regarding the kitchen (make sure they understand that you are being serious). Of course, this is all theoretically speaking, as female gamers don't exist.
- When low on health, run away from the healer or use line-of-sight to prevent them from being able to reach you. It makes things much more fun for them, especially in a large combat situation when you are instants from death. If you die, blame them.
- If your healer is well-geared, it will make up for any lack of gear, experience, and skill the rest of the group may have, and will allow the group to charge forth and aggro all of the trash in the instance at once that they can find. That healer will be perfectly capable of keeping the tank up through one-shots and/or the healer having aggro on most of it. If the group does die, clearly it is still the healer's fault, and you should point this out to them repeatedly before trying again.
- When tanking a large group of cleaving mobs, make sure you bring them over to stand next to your healer. The cleave damage the healer takes will remind them that they need to heal extra-hard. If they die, of course, they were not healing hard enough. This also applies to conal breath attacks, damage auras, and tail whips.
- If any healer gets mad at you, ask if they are on their period.
The creators are not responsible for users of this guide being added to ignore lists, vote-kicked, booted from raids and guilds, ignored for resses, or possibly having post-it-notes taped over their health bars on a healer's computer screen combined with a muting in Ventrilo or other chat programs.